Hints and Tips
Hello, welcome to the page of hints and tips for March.
This page is dedicated to giving free monthly tips on living a happier and more fulfilling life.
Each tip contains a So try this... experiment; a structured and safe way of making changes to the things that you do or the way that you think about life.
So make your life your laboratory and have a go.
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Judgements
I was recently summoned for jury duty at Derby Crown Court. It was a fascinating process to be involved in but during the course of the trial and the subsequent jury deliberation, I started to think about the whole process of judgement.
Whilst as a therapist I am always professionally non-judgemental, as human beings we seem to be programmed to make judgements on the world around us. Not only do we judge those around us, we also judge ourselves and even judge our own judgements!
It’s important at this stage to differentiate between a judgement and an assessment. A judgement is a moral distinction that something is good or bad, right or wrong. There’s usually a slight arrogance in this outlook in that it assumes that we know more about how the world should look and behave than anyone else!
This type of judgement usually involves something known in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) as a ‘lost performative’. The is when the person performing the judgement gets ‘lost’ in the syntax of the sentence.
For example we tend to say like:
‘That man’s opinions are wrong’ when what we really mean are ‘I don’t agree with what he’s saying’.
‘That band’s really good’ instead of ‘I really like their music’.
‘That person’s ugly’ rather than ‘I don’t like the way they look’.
As soon as you start to reclaim your judgements you immediately do two things.
- You start to clarify your own communication – so you can start to think about what it is about the band’s music that you like so much.
- You bring less conflict into your life as you can agree to disagree on the merits of a band knowing that it’s your preference against theirs rather than a moral imperative.
So now try this
1. Think of something that you’re judging as good or bad, right or wrong.
2. Notice the personal preferences that this judgment contains.
3. Notice how other people’s judgements can be translated as their personal preferences.
(But don’t be judgemental about this!)
3. Notice how acknowledging legitimate difference of opinion reduces the level of conflict in your life.
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